letting go...

Ok so i know i completely let myself go for a while. No updates, no diet, no exercise. I try daily to stick to the schedule but after work I seem to lose it. So i am on a new path. I have signed up for a program at school called girls on the run. It it pairs teachers and students up and they train to run a fivek what other way could i hold myself accountable. I think i am going to start my couch to 5k training back up. It is only three days a week, i can do that.
Things i have noticed when i don't eat right, or get in a little bit of exercise:
I am totally bloated all the time: Gross.
I feel horrible, i have no energy, and no motivation.
I am sleepy all the time.
More depressed.
When i eat things that are bad for me, i feel bad. (DUH)
my clothes dont fit.
My face is puffy.
I am in a bad mood more often
So being that i hate all of the above, it is time to get back on track. All support is appreciated.

OMG I weighed

Ok so this morning i woke up and i said to myself. It is Monday, the day i weigh, but most everyone i know, knows i went on vaction last week. I was down 3 pounds!!! What down three pounds, and as my favorite friend Kari pointed out I ate at the Lady and Sons! Amazing meal. But yes i lost three pounds on vacation. I did do my jogging/walking twice while i was gone along with bike rides and hikes to the beach, however once on the beach i was a sloth, because it was H O T. I did do small swims in the ocean but it mostly consisted of sleeping and reading in my beach chair.

I am very proud of myself though because i did not snack all week and i limited my ice cream intake to twice. :) I Love Ice Cream, It is so good.

Tonight, I got back on my couch to 5k, with a 90 minute jogg two minute walk pattern.
let me tell you if you are not doing some kind of exercise you need to. even if it is a 20 minute walk every other day around the block, DO Something. It makes me feel so good. After i finished my exercise, i came home cleaned the kitchen and washed a load of clothes! It makes me feel so good! And i am sure i will sleep so much better tonight.
EXERCISE it is the answer to feeling better! Even if you aren't doing it to lose weight. It just makes a world of difference. Lets see if i can keep up my routine this week. We leave for Jonthans sisters this weekend.... Maybe i can squeeze in 3 more pounds next week at the beach.

bike riding on the beach

Christina and I took a 45 min bike ride it was fun and got me moving, but I think I still need to do my jogging today. It will keep me on schedule. I will keep you posted on what happens. Btw I did not have a snack last night.

snacks

oh my goodness! It is impossible Not to snack with my sister around. Just my family blend together makes me want to eat. We just went to Sams to get stuff for this week at the beach, I am now staring at Klondike bars , ice cream cones, cheetos, snickers ice cream bars chocolate chip cookies and much much more, I may have to sew my mouth shut! PRAY!

running the race

I just did my third session of training. I got out of order a little but I think it is important that I did it today. I actually ran on a tread mill today. So I could track my mileage. I ran 1.5 well jogged walked. And I did that in thirty minutes. I know that isn't exactly record breaking but hey I am on vacation and I EXERCISED!
I am trying to be good while on vacation. It is hard, but I am really cutting back on my food intake. I had a bagel for breakfast and a hot dog for lunch and about 30 half peanuts for a snack. Dinner is yet to be deciced. The next time I do the training it will be jog 90 sec, walk 2 min. For 20 wish me luck. That will be on sunday.

day 2 couch to 5k

I woke up this morning thinking about getting day 2 under my belt, I knew that if I put it off I may not do it, and I really want to do this so I got up wth motivation. I stretched a little on the front porch and noticed how sore I was, I was thinking man I didn't know jogging used those muscles (haha)
I did it! I walked and did my little intervels. I have to admit it makes me feel great about myself! I am now even more sore but with time my body will get used to it right?? So now if I could get my eating in check all will be right. I really am disgusted with myself.
oh funny thing was when I got back to the house Jon said where were you? I guess I didn't tell him about my new adventures oops

day 1 for couch to 5K

ok so I just finished day 1 of my training it consists of 5 minutes of brisk walking followed by 60 sec. Of jogging and 90 sec of walking for 20 minutes. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Did I sweat? Like a pig! Gross, but it felt great. So I am supposed to do that every other day three times. I think I will be good at this first stage. I did 10 rounds so 10 min of jogging and 15 of walking.

when I take the kids to swim practice I have been swimming a little, but really not enough. Now if I could just quit eating so much uggg.

ohhhh plus I saw a girl in a bikini that was bigger than me in jan :( how can I do that?? I will, (never a bikini) but looking almost that good.

nine week plan :)

ok so I finally decided on an exercise plan. I read a plan called couch to 5k it is a nine week exercise program for running a 5k. My goal is to do this to promote my healthy eating lose weight and run the breast cancer race in october. You alternate days and maintain a schedule.

on another note I told my kids today to help me not to eat between meals. Leila said why? I said because I don't want to get fatter. This coming from the child that told me I wasn't fat to her, that I was probably fat to lots and lots of people but not her. (gotta love her)

so wish me luck! And if you would like to join me it would be fun! We can keep eachother on target.

weigh in

I am happy to report i did weigh this morning. I couldn't help it. It is an addiction. I haven't gained any YAY but i havent lost any. I am praying and working actively for 6 pounds over the next two weeks. I did well last night, and so far so good today :)

PS for today

I am scared to weigh! I will weigh next monday and give you an update! I need a week of doing well again before i get completely discouraged. Started off with a wellness walk this morning with my fifth graders.

getting back on track

Ok so i started doing all this and in the middle of it i had an attack of tremendous pain!
I have been off track. I found out that I had an internal hernia and had to have surgery. Then after surgery i took my fifth graders to Washington DC and ate enough junk and fast food to kill someone!!!
So I am now starting a new day and getting my eating under control. It also didn't help that i bought that addictive cheese puff popcorn stuff on friday and ate the entire bag OMG what was i thinking? And last night Jon and i feasted on McDonalds! What we NEVER do that!!! So i am uterlly disgusted with myself!
You know how you feel when you eat nothing but crap for days? I feel fat, and greesy and just disgusting. So i woke up this morning determined to get back on track. I had one of those Kashi bars for breakfast! YUMMY!!! and i am getting on track with my water again today.
I HATE that Bloated yucky feeling. I have to admit i got really discouraged when i had to have surgery! I was like...What? I have been doing so well how could something be wrong?
I cannot lose this battle! I can't let food control my life. I don't want to be 300 pounds. I want to feel good, look good, and want to live my life and not be wieghed down and tired. Summer starts for me in a week and 1/2 How can i exercise? any tips... maybe a morning walk with the dog? A swim with my kids, and plenty of bike riding.

sick

ok so i have to jump back on the wagon after being so sick i felt like i might die!!!!! I did lose four pounds during that, but i am sure those were just pity pounds. Alas i didn't make it to losing my 10 pounds by my birthday. BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!I now have a bike, that as soon as this crazy rain lets up i am going to ride daily.
I will have to be honest. The illness i had was due to diet. I told the doctor i had been drinking water, and eating A LOT of fiber and not eating between meals. She was unimpressed, as if i was lying to her, because she said that there is no way i could be doing that. BUT I AM. i guess i need to just step it up a little bit. I need healthy choices all the time. stay tuned for weight loss totals tommorrow.

Weekend disaster

so i slacked off this weekend. and I didn't lose any weight, in fact i gained two pounds back. i was very discouraged this morning. But i ate like a pig this weekend so what do you expect? I went to Heathers and i thought i did pretty well i had one plate of food, and a piece of cake but i went home and ate popcorn. Then i had a wedding on Sunday. Again only one plate of snacks, and i didn't even eat the cake. UGGGG
i know i have to pick myself up again and start fresh today! i know the key is exercise but i can't seem to fit it in very well right now. So much for the 10 pounds by my birthday :( but i will get right back up and keep on going. It is great that i feel so good that keeps me motivated.

Step it up

So i am doing really well. But i know i am going to have to step it up a little. i am glad i am back on my pattern of eating right. I am still feeling really good. I am not eating myself to sleep. I mean really i had fallen back into some REALLY bad habits. I also am saying no to eating candy all day. It is amazing how little i will eat, just so i can have something to drink. Because i know if i eat something, i can't drink for an hour.
I am really excited because my dad is going to let me use his bike. Jonathan is picking it up today! I can't wait. Now i just need to teach Alaina how to ride so that she isn't always behind us on a scooter.
Goal for the rest of the week: Ride my bike at least 3 out of the next four days.
Keep up my water
Nothing sweet Friday or Sat
I want to lose those 10 pounds by my birthday. That is just exactly one week away, and I have 4 pounds to go. YIKES

Yay 2 more

Ok so the last you knew i was starving. But I pushed through. And when i got on the scale Monday I had lost two more pounds! YAY!!!!! I am still doing an amazing job of getting all my water in. And not eating between meals. I even had a wedding shower this weekend and didn't gorge myself.
I got a little side tracked and thinking is this worth it, but then i saw a picture of myself on Facebook that was taken on Sat. I just look unhealthy and like i am carrying extra weight. Soooo i got right back up again and started out well this week. I have to add more exercise still but i am making good on my water and food choices. Let's just hope this works :)

ugg

I AM HUNGRY TODAY!!! HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY! I CAN DO IT. It is really just all in my head anyway.

Today is a new day

This morning i looked at myself in the mirror and gave myself a pep talk. I said YOU CAN DO THIS! EVERYDAY STARTS NEW!
Some mornings when i wake up I just don't have any motivation. So the pep talk did me some good.
The truth is i feel AMAZING. I feel better than i have in 9 months. I am not dragging at the end of the day, and I don't feel sick all the time. I am swearing by the water. That and the fact that i am just not eating sweets. I have this bag of Hershey Kisses in my desk drawer, sometimes i can hear them in there calling my name, but i resist :)
Yesterday after school, i went to the mall with my mom! We had fun, shopping just a little, and then we both had a pretzel dog for dinner. That was it that was my dinner. Do you know how hard it is to tell myself that. To say yes Anessa a Pretzel dog is enough, you don't need anything else. I sorta thought about food all night. I think that is just a ugly bad habit. I did things to keep my mind off of it. I drank a lot of water haha. I probably would have eaten something else but it got late 9:00 and i refuse to eat that late! I am breaking that bad habit. Remember this week i am not eating anything 2 hours before bed. So at 9 i watched Lost and did laundry, and opened the fridge and shut the fridge, and took a bath and went to bed.
I am proud of myself! I won't lie to you it was a struggle. Really the first day this week i have had any kind of struggle.

Things that i am proud of this week:
Walking
Bike rides two days in a row
Only one breakfast burrito (gave the other one away) one is all anyone needs!
No extra in between meals or snacks.
Water Water and More Water!
Not eating myself to sleep!
Waiting an hour before i drink anything

I can do this just like anything else it is ONE DAY AT A TIME and EVERY DAY IS NEW!

Plans for today:
Sausage Burrito 300 cal (YIKES see why I didn't eat 2)
Lunch is Lean Cuisine and i wish i had some fruit... 260 cal
Snack will be an amazing Kashi Bar 120 cal.
And i have no idea what i am doing for dinner yet between the Dentist at 3 and Church volunteering tonight. I hope i make good choices.

When to Weigh

Ok so i have this Horrible habbit of weighing every day. However when i started all this over a week ago i decided i wasn't going to weigh but once a week. Every time i walk into the bathroom that darn scale just stares at me. I know that if I get on it every morning i will just get discouraged. I mean you don't lose weight every day. But alas it is an obsession. It goes along with everything else that is unhealty about me.
So i decided i will weigh on Monday Mornings. What a great way to start the week right? HAHA. As ususal my motto is ONE DAY AT A TIME! I just need to breath and start fresh again.

One Day at a Time

I just have to tell myself ONE DAY AT A TIME!
I am doing well, as long as i focus on it. I didn't eat anything after dinner last night, and i am so proud of myself. Started out this morning with my oatmeal, and i am getting all my water in YAY.

I feel so amazing. For the first time in months i stayed up past 8:30 and i wasn't exhausted and i woke up refreshed this morning. I think it is the water. I want this to work too i don't want to cheat. The good thing is i think about it so i make right choices instead of just putting anything in my mouth.

Right now i am still eating pretty much whatever i want at meals but i am controlling the portions. when that stops working i will go to low fat low calorie meals.

I am trying to make life choices so hopefully this will work.

What an amazing day!

I feel fantastic!!! It must be all the water i am drinking and the lack of sugar drinks. I had a great night with my family. We celebrated Caroline's 8th birthday and i made the most amazing scalloped potatoes, i am sure i gained the four pounds back with one bite.
I haven't had any in between meals today! I went for a wellness walk today with my kids at school, and then when i finished my work at planning, i went for another walk twice around the ball field. Then tonight i went for a 30 min. bike ride with my babies. (that was fun!) So maybe i am slowly getting my exercise added. i haven't felt this good in a long time. I know i had a lot of calories at dinner, but it is ok. I exercised and got all of my water in today. I can actually go to bed feeling good about myself today! Thanks for all the well wishes!

Oh my goodness! WHAT???? WEEK 2

Sorry i missed Friday, but it was a crazy day. HOWEVER when i woke up this morning i got on the scale, and i am down by 3 or 4 pounds. I am not 100% sure because when i got on the scale last week i almost vomitted, so i don't remember my starting weight. BUT WOW! that is with drinking A LOT of Water, no sugar drinks, not snacking between meals, and watching what i eat. I felt amazing this morning. on cloud nine.
So this week i have to decide the other thing i am going to cut out. I was thinking about it. I am still having this sweet craving, this week i am going to not eat anything 2 hours before bed! That will be hard for me.

today's choices are:
1 sausage 67 cal
2 eggs

Lunch i have a sandwhich and cup of bean with bacon soup.
soup is 340 cal.

dinner tonight is going to be grilled porchops, plus i have a Kashi snack (they are so good!) and an apple if i can't make it to dinner.

I still haven't successfully added in exercise. I need to do that so bad, i am going to have to find the motivation.

Day 4 Rockin the water

I have to say about the only thing i am doing really well with is getting all my water in. will that help i wonder? I am not eating as much tho or between meals. I have breakfast, lunch,snack,dinner. i saw myself on FCPS tv last night, and wanted to cry. I can't believe the blubber i have gotten.

Day 3

Today started a little crazy!
I had my coffee this morning and that was great, i am a little slow going on the water.
I had one of the best bars for breakfast it was a Blueberry Bliss Luna bar 180 calories! It was so good, it had protien and fiber and calcium and literally tasted like a rice krispie treat with blueberry jelly.
i had a nice portion lunch of grilled chicken brocolli and a small baked potato. No sweets today so far. But as usual it is early in the day and my worst time is early evening.
We did our schoool wellness walk today, and i hope to go for a walk tonight.

oh btw last night Jon and i went to the movies, and I DIDN'T get a coke YAY! No sugar drinks! that is a must!!!
I am feeling better and I still haven't been drinking with my meals i a really trying to watch that. :)

Eating to sleep

I have this horrible habbit of eating to help me fall asleep. Does anyone else face that? Sweets make me feel horrible and so sometimes i eat sweets at night to make me fall asleep to escape the nausia. I know this is bad, sometimes i struggle and just eat and i have no idea why. I love food! Everything about it. It makes me feel good. It is a comfort. hmmm.

Day 2 Are you kidding me

Ok so last night was torture, i broke over and had some oreos (5)I know horrible. WHY is it so hard to not eat sweets? I have heard that if you can go without sweets for two days you stop craving them. I wouldn't know haha.
Anyway i started this morning with oatmeal and i packed a healty snack. A Kashi Bar it was amazing, you should try them, only 100 calories and it really filled me up.
Lunch was a lean cuisine. so far today i have had about
600 Calories not too bad, and dinner will be spaghetti again controlling my portions.
I didn't exercise last night, because honestly on the days i have meetings i am completely worn out. I need to push past that and exercise anyway.
I am going to go for a walk after school today, and we took our wellness walk during school today so that was good.
Water: I am also working on getting all my water in. That is nice, and i didn't drink with my breakfast or my lunch today so who knows i am taking some right steps.
Exercise: I am going to check out Snap fitness, i have heard some wonderful things about them.
Self image: I looked at my self in the mirror last night. YUCK is all i could think. I need to know that i can love myself no matter how flabby my stomach is and that Jesus loves me, because i was perfectly made. I just need this to feel better and to be active with my kids, (and because i am too broke to buy new clothes)
I will keep you updated on the exercise for tonight.

Day 1

I woke up this morning with the goal of not having any desserts today!!! I can make it through the work day pretty well, but my weaknesses start as soon as school gets out. So far so good. Also it costs money to start a diet. Yesterday i was walking with my husband and i said i needed to start exercising more, and i think i said i need to get this weight off. HE said "you are never going to do it, you talk about it all the time, but nothing ever changes." I got REALLY ANGRY, and that is when i decided to start this blog.
This week we are low on funds so i am just going to cut my portion sizes and start walking and exerciseing.
So far so good, i have done nothing but drink water this morning.
i had two scrambled eggs for breakfast,
And for lunch i had leftovers, but smaller portions.
I also learned not to drink for an hour after you eat. It keeps you full longer.
I hate it when you first start a "diet" because all you can do is think about food. rough going this morning.... but i am grilling chicken for dinner with broccoli and salad.

Oh btw i am not drinking anything with sugar. A lot of wasted calories come in the form of drinks.

A little History

Three Years ago i started losing weight. I was almost 300 pounds, and when i say almost, i mean REALLY CLOSE. Over about a year i lost 120 pounds, I was well on my way to my goal of 150. I was loving life. I was wearing a size that i never even dreamed of. I felt great. I could fit in an airplane seat, and comfortably on a roller coaster. I had a great tool for this weight loss (that i am not ready to share just yet) But it was AMAZING.
But alas i started falling back into some really bad habits. Sweets were my weakness. Which is funny because before i lost the weight it was more of a carb issue.
I drastically cut back on my portions and couldn't believe The amounts of food I had been eating in reflection. But slowly the portions increased, and the frequency of eating increased, and the scale started creeping back up. I was in denial for about six months that this was happening.
Now my cute dresses don't fit, and i don't have a pair of shorts i can put on at all. So it is time to take a step in the right direction. I am on the quest to lose 60 pounds. Starting today April 5 2010. With the hope of the first ten pounds by my Birthday.